You, Class, Trip, Cousin

Sweet Child,

I think about pulling you out of me, seeing your eyes and smushy face, and how perfect that moment will be. It has been unfathomable my whole life until now. Watching birthing videos of mothers getting to do just that bring me to tears. I can't help but put myself in their shoes.

So much of what is discussed between appointments and birthing classes is the process to get to see you. It's important because it can determine your long-term health - vaccinations, vaginal birth, pain medications, etc. At class the other night, we were given cards with different scenarios that helped your dad and I determine what our priorities were intervention-wise. We, of course, were on the same page. The moral of the story is, the birth process is nearing (we are at 31 of potentially 40 weeks) and as much as that should make me nervous, it only gets me excited, because I am that much closer to meeting you.

What's been happening with you and I lately it that you continue you to kick, big kicks, fewer flutters. Some of your "kicks" are more of a roll, a bizarre, slow movement. I understand it's getting a bit tighter in there, so you have less room to move. We are going to change that up, as I gotta get you upside down, get your head toward the bottom, so you aren't a breech babe. I'm going to start swimming and focusing on my positions to allow for gravity to pull your heavy head down. In other news, I've gained 11 pounds in 31 weeks which is not a lot, but you are healthy and I am not heavy. The nurse asked today if I am eating enough. You will see... I have never not eaten enough.

This weekend, your dad and I are picking up your uncle Owen and uncle Michael for a weekend away in Duluth. I am excited to take you there, see the sights, eat the treats, and to listen to the boys giggle like school girls over their college-past.

Speaking of uncles, your uncle Jared and his fiance Heather are PREGNANT!!! You know what that means, YOU WILL HAVE A COUSIN!!! One that is close enough in age to you, that you can share holidays with, play with, share secrets with, someone who shares your blood, your family and will be near enough to experience all these things with. It is the most I could wish for you (outside of your health). I am beyond thrilled to consider the possibilities of your friendship! Also, I get to be an auntie which I hear is the third best thing next to being a mom or grandma. I'll be one, can't be the other, so I pretty much got the best of all worlds.

Good Morning

Sweet Child, it's 4 in the morning. You've had me up since 2 - well, first an awful nightmare awoke me but now it's all you, giving me kicks making so aware of your presence. At first you were just cells and science. Then a heartbeat, a picture, and now a human who has shape, hearing, opinions, and the ability to kick, punch and twirl. You're almost two pounds and over a foot at 26 weeks. You've got a lot more time in me, so keep cooking, keep growing and keep kicking. It jolts me into reality, that one day I will get to see those kicks and hold those toes, as your fingers wrap around mine. 

I've got guilt. I wish I ate less sugar with you, and I wish I worked out more. These challenges are no different than those that plagued me prior to conception. I pray they don't negatively impact you now (diabetes) on into childhood. I'd like to think you're getting more nutrition than most based on our knowledge on the subject. 

This guilt, I realize is likely preparing me for what's to come - the guilt associated with the occasional mac'n'cheese meal. Or when I say the wrong thing. Or when I'm too tired to play. All these things are inevitable. I won't be the perfect parent. No one is. We don't pass a test to be given the honor of raising a child. We are mere humans, doing our best to love, and guide you. In this guidance,

I hope you learn patience, as you will teach me, to learn you forgiveness, and that, despite what I say and do, that you will be good in the world. 

A Soccer Player

I'm sure it's too early to tell... but is it? I mean, you come from two soccer players and you already have some pretty solid kicks. I think it's safe to assume you will be.

We are sitting at 22 weeks now. It's 2016 and the epic year that you will be born and our lives will change forever. I never want to forget how precious this time is, the time where it's just your dad and I, how much I love him, value his words, his hard work and his treatment of me. He is the absolute best friend I could ever ask for, and I need nothing else but what I have in him. Need is the operative word. You are what I want.

P.S. Thank you for kicking the other night. It gave your dad a very solid, very real feel of what's going on in there. Turns out, all you need is a little sugar to go go go!

Communication

Hey Baby! Just the same as I am now communicating with you, you have begun communicating with me. You don't like scary movies and you do love Dueling Pianos. You must love being warm, because you have stolen all of my heat and you really like lefse... or I really like lefse and am using you as my excuse to eat more already; regardless, thank you.

This much I know about you. We were watching Hunger Games (the final installment) which is a series of books turned into action movies featuring the amazing J. Law. Anyway, monsters start attacking her crew and I was terrified - full on knees to chest, squeezing your dad. You kicked me three times to let me know I was passing too much adrenaline on to you. No more [not intended to be] scary movies! But maybe your kicking communication is positive because we were at my work Christmas party last night at the Grand in Northfield listening to the very entertaining Deuces Wild. We sang and danced and sang. During one song, wish I could remember what, you gave out one solid punch. It was fun to know you were there with us. Keep up the communication, sweet child!

In other news, you are showing your growth via my belly. Today is my first day in maternity pants and oh are they good - they way they are snuggling around you, keeping you warm, I may never take them off.

Happy 18 weeks and 6 days, dearest baby!

Better to Know and Feel You

Sweet child,

So much is happening/changing in your world and ours right now. You mamma got a new job with a company that I hope to be with for a majority of your life :) That was a bit stressful, as getting pregnant with you, not knowing if I would have insurance was nerve racking; however, we did our best to keep the negativity from you, and thank goodness - it all worked out! You will see, it always works out, my sweet child.

We have also made the announcement to all of our nearest and dearest outside of family, your step-in aunts and uncles. Most are filled with questions, "Will you find out? Do you have names picked out? Does Saydee know you're pregnant? Are your parents thrilled?" To which we answer that we will not find out; we have a boy and a girl's name, but won't share; Saydee has no idea, but I can't wait to see her protect you; and our parents are beyond thrilled! Your grandma Johnson couldn't help but share with our servers when we were out to eat that she was going to be a grandma.

In other news, your room is coming together quite swimmingly. What was once my closet, will now only house my hanging clothes. This weekend we scraped, mudded, sanded, trimmed and primed. This week will bring painting of the actual room. It will be fun to see it all come together. As I was priming the closet, I said to your father, "this is where our child will first pee on you!" It's a blast to think about having you in person and all the silly things you will do.

Last bit of news, I can feel you! Well, not you you, but your protective layer anyway. When I lean against the counter to do dishes, or makeup, or anything really, I can feel the placenta push back into my other organs. Your dad noticed over lunch that my pelvis area is protruding more than normal or at all. I think it has begun - the part that you are big enough to take notice of!!! There are so many hands that can't wait to rub all over you, your dad being number one.

Announcements

Since hearing your heart beat (the neatest thing my ears have ever processed) and sharing the news with our parents, we have also been able to tell an entire wedding of our friends (Sam & Tiff's wed), as well as some of our brothers.

The tie for the best reaction is between Jackie and Steve Rasmusson and your uncle Kevin. Jackie and Steve hugged and screamed and hugged again seven plus more times. There were tears and more hugs! It's the most fun to tell people who have not witnessed your mother not drinking wine; therefore, known something was up. Your uncle Kevin, who you may have noticed travels less to the sentimental side than your other bros, he said, "when I meet that little baby, my heart will explode!" and I'm sure it will, as it will with all of your other uncles, grandparents, friends.

What do you want to be called?

… chimed my mother as she hugged my mother in law.

We waited ten difficult weeks to share your existence with our parents. The thought of sharing earlier and you not being there, we thought may crush them nearly to the extent it would have crushed us.

Apparently they “all knew” and it was “so obvious”. You see, Zygote, your mom enjoys red wine very much so, and for two months I was not partaking in one of my favorite past times… I guess it was pretty obvious.

Anyway, we had to share right away as there was company coming later that we didn’t want to dilute the brevity of our news. I made the quick announcement, there were some tears, but mostly hugs on hugs on hugs all night long.

I am so looking forward to all the talks to be had with your grandparents over your arrival, to you growing and my stomach stretching, to all the changes that are to come for both of us.

I’m so grateful to be your mother. Thank you for giving me this opportunity, my life long dream. There are four other people in this world now that will love you beyond a love I can conceive, a love they already know because they have been parents, yet a new love I imagine, the love a grandparent has for their grandchild.

Great, you got me crying at work again. One of these days, we’ll get a computer that works at home, and I won’t be messaging you all the live long day.