Good Morning

Sweet Child, it's 4 in the morning. You've had me up since 2 - well, first an awful nightmare awoke me but now it's all you, giving me kicks making so aware of your presence. At first you were just cells and science. Then a heartbeat, a picture, and now a human who has shape, hearing, opinions, and the ability to kick, punch and twirl. You're almost two pounds and over a foot at 26 weeks. You've got a lot more time in me, so keep cooking, keep growing and keep kicking. It jolts me into reality, that one day I will get to see those kicks and hold those toes, as your fingers wrap around mine. 

I've got guilt. I wish I ate less sugar with you, and I wish I worked out more. These challenges are no different than those that plagued me prior to conception. I pray they don't negatively impact you now (diabetes) on into childhood. I'd like to think you're getting more nutrition than most based on our knowledge on the subject. 

This guilt, I realize is likely preparing me for what's to come - the guilt associated with the occasional mac'n'cheese meal. Or when I say the wrong thing. Or when I'm too tired to play. All these things are inevitable. I won't be the perfect parent. No one is. We don't pass a test to be given the honor of raising a child. We are mere humans, doing our best to love, and guide you. In this guidance,

I hope you learn patience, as you will teach me, to learn you forgiveness, and that, despite what I say and do, that you will be good in the world.